The College Pressure and Social Expectations
Throughout his entire K-12 experience, the conversation was never about whether or not he was going to college, but where? It was rarely about his passions, interests, or yet-to-be-unlocked hidden talents, but more about laying the groundwork for college admissions. Will his transcript be good enough? Will his SAT scores be high enough? Will the rest of his high school resume outshine the competition? Will his “post-high school” pursuit satisfy social pressures and expectations?
Before he knew it, it was decision time with a variety of college acceptance letters and scholarships sitting in front of him. Where should he go…and why? Where should he proudly announce to friends, family, and his school community? More questions than answers, and a looming big decision. One of the questions that was never really addressed: “Does he even want to go to college?”
His parents were picked up by the giant wave of social pressure: “All kids must go to college.” The gateway to a bright financial future is a college degree. Why wouldn’t they be riding that wave? Both of his parents were proud products of the K-12 system launching them into higher education, post-secondary degrees, and successful careers. His older sister followed that social norm and landed on her feet professionally and financially. Now it was his turn, right?
The messaging throughout the K-12 system, social pressures, and family expectations all put incredible pressure on this young man to decide to continue his education at the university level. While this young man happens to be my son, his story and dilemma are shared widely across the country by other students facing the same pressures each year: choose college or be deemed less successful than your peers. That was and is the all-too-common “one size fits all” message we continue to push on our students — “we,” being those of us who all came from that system. But is that still the best message for our kids?
The Realization of Misaligned Passions
Don’t get me wrong, as a participant in an ongoing Education Roundtable sponsored by the Gates Foundation and facilitated by Dr. Tammy Campbell of The Scholar First, I see and understand the economic forecast. I feel the urgency to build better alignment and cohesion in our system to ensure our kids have the skills that will be required for our rapidly changing and future job market. Post-secondary education is a must. In some form or fashion, it will be a must for all students if they want a high-wage job and a certain quality of life.
K-12 and Higher Education must come together to reimagine the pathways we provide for our students now and in the future. We must rethink our compartmentalized approach to education and build a system that overlaps and interconnects. Students walking their K-12 journeys must see hope of a bright future through a variety of pathways that allow flexibility, adaptability, and forgiveness as they continue to grow and develop. Most importantly, we must change our language from “college for all” to “continued learning, growing, and exploring for all.”
I knew deep down that my son didn’t want to go to a four-year college. I should have picked up on the blatant signs, like his passion for working on cars, building and creating with his hands, and being physically active. I should have seen the signs after what “learning” through Covid did to his desire to sit behind a screen or within the walls of more classrooms. I should have interpreted his indecision about what college to choose, not as indecision, but rather a lack of interest.
As his parents, we missed the signs because we were too busy riding the wave. We were also too proud to say, “Take a year off and work” or “Have you thought about a trade school?” or “What about taking your passions for working on your car and trying to get on with a local auto shop?” Nope, we just kept riding the wave and pushed him to pick a college, go to college, and begin building his college debt (with few credits to show from year one), because everyone said he needed to be there, except him.
A New Pathway and a Lesson for the Future
Fast forward. Our son graduated from a four-year university with a degree in computer science and skills I can only dream about. He landed in the professional world per his degree and the “pathway” he was on. The problem? He was once again sitting in front of a screen. Yes, he was earning a “high wage” job. Yes, he was using his degree. Yes, he followed the expectations despite a rough beginning. He did everything that the “system” said to do, except to listen to his own voice.
He has since parted ways with his computer science job and is now working construction as an entry-level laborer. He literally walked away from the desk job straight to a residential construction company and asked if they were hiring. The answer was yes, and he started the next day. As parents we struggled to watch him deal with lack of job satisfaction, lack of purpose, and hopelessness in his previous job. That hopelessness was leading to poor mental, physical, and spiritual health. We now have a young man with a spring in his step and hope for a bright future. He is on the job site by 7:00 am working, learning, and gaining confidence with new skills every day. And with that, his mental, physical, and spiritual health have turned 180 degrees. He has hope.
This is just a story of one. His story. I can write a completely different story about my daughter and her “successful” navigation of the pathway to and through higher education. We can all share stories, which is my point. Every single student in our system is on their own journey. Shouldn’t our job be to provide and encourage as many pathways as possible? Shouldn’t our job be to remove barriers, and old and inequitable systems? Shouldn’t our job be to not define post-secondary success for them, but rather to create the most cohesive and fluid system possible to keep hope alive as they strive to define their own post-secondary success?
Those are the questions facing the Education Roundtable. How do we collaboratively dismantle and then rebuild a new cohesive P-20 system with pathways for each and every student, so the future workforce is ready to meet the demand? Stay tuned. Our next meeting is in December.